OR – Stefan’s bootlegged copy of Drumline from China: “The School of Rock 2, starring Jack Black, Orlando Jones, and Mike White”
Sorry this review is a little late, but I was at a wedding in God’s country this weekend and have a bad case “coughuplungitis”. I’ll try to have more “analysis” and less “summary” in this review, because Mr. Brown taught me that in 10th grade.
The plot is simple: Devin (aka Mr. Mariah Carey) is the best damn snare drummer in the galaxy, but his talent is overshadowed by his ego. He earns a scholarship to an historically black college in Atlanta and joins the marching band, where he immediately clashes with the senior drumline leader (angry black man) and the band instructor (the Metropolitan Library computer from “the Time Machine”). There are periods of ups and downs, laughs and tears, love and heartbreak, and snares and tubas, followed by everyone compromising and learning to get along resulting in triumph.
Never did I imagine that I would like this movie as much as I did (slightly). Once I got past the horrible dialogue (“Do you ladies feel a step coming on?”), the tried and true clichés (white dude in the band can’t dance, until Nick Cannon teaches him to dry hump his bass drum), the unrealistic attempts to make it a family movie (a frat party where the only substance abuse going on is Ray-Ray dancing with a bag of sun-chips), and the outrageous plot holes (Nick Cannon making it through 5 years of marching band and earning a full scholarship despite not knowing how to read sheet music) I was left with about 20 minutes of not only watchable, but entertaining drumming montages.
Aside from the montages, Drumline also had some educational moments. So you don’t have to sit through the whole movie, I will share with you everything I learned about historically black college marching band culture. First, the best way to pick up a girl is to say: “Whyontchoo skoo me on how ta come attasista?” (sp?). Second, marching band is just as bad-ass the marines, and maybe more so, because the girls can do one-arm pushups too. Finally, drumming on another person’s drum in the midst of a drum battle challenge is akin to stabbing their mother with a rusty toilet brush and raping the wound.
For those of you who haven’t seen Drumline, I recommend skipping the first hour and a half or so and start watching at the obligatory Stuart Scott cameo, which signals the beginning of the BET commercial segment of the movie. From here on it is all drum business. First, the rival school uses its far-reaching marching band connections to get Petey Pablo to show up in a rabbit coat and a Bentley. Who’s Petey Pablo you ask? Why, he is none other than the musical genious who gave us this gem from 2001! From then on, it’s “this means drum-war” and the bands bust out their best routines (which are admittedly really cool. Even the part where they cover a J-Lo song). After the dust settles and the scores are announced…it’s A TIE! Resulting in a *gulp* DRUM-OFF! This NEVER happens in movies! Again, more really cool drum shit, Nick Cannon redeems himself, Atlanta A&T has saved its program, roll credits, gethtefuckout while on top. Why didn’t Brett Favre watch more movies like this instead of going all “Return of the King” on us?
The plot is simple: Devin (aka Mr. Mariah Carey) is the best damn snare drummer in the galaxy, but his talent is overshadowed by his ego. He earns a scholarship to an historically black college in Atlanta and joins the marching band, where he immediately clashes with the senior drumline leader (angry black man) and the band instructor (the Metropolitan Library computer from “the Time Machine”). There are periods of ups and downs, laughs and tears, love and heartbreak, and snares and tubas, followed by everyone compromising and learning to get along resulting in triumph.
Never did I imagine that I would like this movie as much as I did (slightly). Once I got past the horrible dialogue (“Do you ladies feel a step coming on?”), the tried and true clichés (white dude in the band can’t dance, until Nick Cannon teaches him to dry hump his bass drum), the unrealistic attempts to make it a family movie (a frat party where the only substance abuse going on is Ray-Ray dancing with a bag of sun-chips), and the outrageous plot holes (Nick Cannon making it through 5 years of marching band and earning a full scholarship despite not knowing how to read sheet music) I was left with about 20 minutes of not only watchable, but entertaining drumming montages.
Aside from the montages, Drumline also had some educational moments. So you don’t have to sit through the whole movie, I will share with you everything I learned about historically black college marching band culture. First, the best way to pick up a girl is to say: “Whyontchoo skoo me on how ta come attasista?” (sp?). Second, marching band is just as bad-ass the marines, and maybe more so, because the girls can do one-arm pushups too. Finally, drumming on another person’s drum in the midst of a drum battle challenge is akin to stabbing their mother with a rusty toilet brush and raping the wound.
For those of you who haven’t seen Drumline, I recommend skipping the first hour and a half or so and start watching at the obligatory Stuart Scott cameo, which signals the beginning of the BET commercial segment of the movie. From here on it is all drum business. First, the rival school uses its far-reaching marching band connections to get Petey Pablo to show up in a rabbit coat and a Bentley. Who’s Petey Pablo you ask? Why, he is none other than the musical genious who gave us this gem from 2001! From then on, it’s “this means drum-war” and the bands bust out their best routines (which are admittedly really cool. Even the part where they cover a J-Lo song). After the dust settles and the scores are announced…it’s A TIE! Resulting in a *gulp* DRUM-OFF! This NEVER happens in movies! Again, more really cool drum shit, Nick Cannon redeems himself, Atlanta A&T has saved its program, roll credits, gethtefuckout while on top. Why didn’t Brett Favre watch more movies like this instead of going all “Return of the King” on us?
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