Heart-shaped Vinyl...

...is dope. Sweet vid for a sweet tune.

Tracy Morgan

Tanner:  Top Five Tracy Jordan quotes:

5 – Pigeon! Stop eating other people's French fries! Don't you know you can fly?

4 - Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets. That's a metaphor.

3 – I can’t go to the party because of my ankle bracelet…or maybe I will go and just not drink…I know! I’ll compromise. I’ll go to the party, cut off my foot, and drink as much as I want!

2 – Tell her that you want her privates and your privates to do a high five!

1 – I love this cornbread so much I want to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant.

Danny:  I love the movie The Ladies Man. It's hilarious on several levels. Leon Phelps is a lovable, quirky character that translates really well from the little screen to the big screen. It's certainly one of the better movies made based on a Saturday Night Live skit. The movie has some really sweet quotes too, like "Say, sweet thing, can I buy you a fish sandwich?" All in all, I think that's one of Tracy Morgan's best... oh shit, I'm thinking of Tim Meadows.

Stefan:  Tracy Morgan can currently be seen on the TV show 30 Rock every week (Thursdays 9:30/8:30c) playing the character Tracy Jordan.  Some think that he makes the show with his random comments and cluelessness.  I am on the other side of that opinion.  While he is pretty funny I don’t think that he is the best part.  I find his absolute lack of common sense a bit annoying (which may seem like a double standard since I find Steve Carell’s character from the Office really funny).  I will give Tracy Morgan some credit though, he does have some great lines.   For example, nope, nevermind, I don't feel like giving any examples.

The next topic

Cilantro

Tanner:  “May I have a delicious chicken torta please? Why thank you! Now, can you take a bar of soap and a cheese grater and go to town sprinkling flakes of Irish Spring all over the food I just paid $3.75 for and completely ruin it?” That’s how I feel when I get food with cilantro on it. It’s the devil’s herb. Many people think I am odd when I tell them that I despise cilantro. Often I get these responses: “But it’s so refreshing!” Yeah, so is Axe body wash, but I don’t want to put a bunch of that in my beef ball pho. “I think you just need to get used to it.” I think you need to get used to my fist in your mouth. Cilantro is terrible. I would rather eat out the rotten eye socket of a road-killed possum.  I would rather gargle dog diarrhea. I would rather floss my teeth with a wildebeest’s ass hair. Cilantro fucking sucks, it sucking fucks, and I don’t like it.

Danny:  Some people think that cilantro tastes good. Some people think that cilantro tastes like soap. Apparently it's thought to be genetic. I think cilantro tastes good. Tanner thinks that cilantro tastes like soap. However, Tanner's dislike of cilantro does give him the opportunity to work on his Spanish while talking to the cute woman who works at the taco truck. So all in all, I think we can all agree that cilantro is pretty good.

Stefan:   Cilantro (or Coriandrum sativum as we in the biz call it) is an herb that is excellent in many Mexican foods.  I enjoy it very much but it must be in moderation.  It is meant to be an addition to food, not the main stay.  Too much of it can ruin a meal.  A little bit of info about cilantro.  Cilantro’s nomenclature is somewhat confusing.  The entire plant and the seeds are properly named coriander, while the leaves alone are cilantro. Colloquially, the entire plant and leaves are referred to as cilantro and only the seeds as coriander.  Cilantro is also referred to as Chinese parsley.  Some things to know about cilantro, it grows in the ground.  It is a plant.  While it is in many Mexican foods it cannot speak Spanish.  Cilantro needs water to stay alive.  Water is wet.  When water gets very hot it will bubble or "boil".  Another fun tidbit about cilantro, it is green.

I find this almost creepy, but really fascinating.

Topics!!!

It has taken a while to get these going but hopefully now the ball is rolling. The three of us received ten more topics last weeks. Two different readers provided us with 5 topics. As it has taken a while for us to get them answered I will post one topic a day. Here we go.

Modern Day Pirates  

Tanner: Modern day pirates – I heard about the guilty verdict last week finding the people who run “The Pirate’s Bay” liable for making money off of illegally downloaded movies and software.  I have a hard time with this verdict, as I love free things 

(especially music and movies) but I think it was a fair decision. However, I am really confused about why they hate Barack Obama so much. And why do we need snipers positioned to take them out? And how do they get enough bandwidth to run a file

-sharing site in Somalia? Here is a picture of what I imagine they look like that I drew on a post-it note:

Danny:  I don't have much to say about this situation and think we're about a week late on this, since South Park already covered it. Probably my fault, since it took me so long to get something written. It's sad that Somalia has deteriorated to the point that piracy is seen as viable option for some people. It's great that the Navy SEALS can kick some ass when necessary. I did think The Daily Show had a pretty good take. The expensive computer recreation was impressive.

Stefan:  Pirates used to be fun loving booze hounds that sailed around on ships and acted in ways that were completely unlawful and immoral but really entertaining.  Pirates were rock stars back then, except instead of hepatitis they had scurvy and instead of sleeping with tons of women they had questionable sexuality.  What the modern day Somali pirates are doing wrong is that they are advertising themselves terribly.  They need to stop acting like desperate ocean thieves and instead as fun loving rebels who are constantly drunk off rum.  Maybe they should put on some funny jewelry or goofy boots for starts.  They also need to sing more often.  Those are just some basic ideas to get their image changed and get the public support that they need.

Samurais n Zombies

Paul Potts

People have been going crazy for the Susan Boyle lady. I have to say I am a bigger fan of Paul Potts.

Its Friday! Get this song stuck in your head!

A Bit of History

These guys handled Ali G's questions pretty well, normally people get really frustrated with him.

Ali G on American History - watch more funny videos

Snakes on a Plane

I don't think they even tried when re-dubbing this movie for TV.

Bro, You're A God Among Bros

Courtesy of The Onion

By Zach Caldwell

You know you're one of my top bros, bro, because you got my back. And I got yours. You're my bro. But you went above and beyond the other night, bromaldehyde. You really did. Saving me that seat at the Velvet Revolver show, even though all those other bros were trying to get up front, bro? So clutch.

You are truly a god among bros.

Just when I think you're as solid as a bro can get, you raise the very definition of brodom to new heights. You're like a brogle, soaring to the farthest reaches of the atbrosphere. Seriously. If it weren't for you and your extreme brobility to hook a bro up when it is most croosh, I'd have been stuck in some bitch-ass seat, cramped all in the corner with a bunch of bitch-asses, bro. But you stepped up. You brovercame all obstacles to help a bro out. This is the kind of shit that makes bros for life.

Brody, I was so stoked when you told Gina to go eat a fat one after she asked if she could have your other ticket, even though you knew you could probably get a pretty deese HJ from her. Bros before hos, bro. That's what I'm talking about.

You are the king of all bros. Brotankhamen. You are the Ayatollah Bromeini. You are Broseidon, lord of the brocean.

But this is just one of many times you've fallen on a grenade for me, brozo. Who took the blame when I broke Skeeter's bong and fucking Skeeter was all fucking pissed? You, bro. Who was the first to bro up and carry that fucking keg of Killian's up four flights of stairs for Duke's surprise party? You, bro. Who was the only Bromo sapien on the planet to tell me he thought the brand-new rims on my F-350 were the shit even though everyone else was all, like, fucking not that excited about them? Bro, you know it was you. You're my broheim supremo, bro, and don't you ever forget it.

I'm so fucking glad we're bros, bro!

I've long admired your absolute broficiency in all things bro-related, and the way you've always carried yourself in a brofessional manner. I consider you a brole model. When I was new in this town, you took me under your wing and showed me the bropes. And I will always preesh that. Not only did you school me in proper brotocol, but you were a spiritual leader, a confidant, and, more importantly, a bro. You taught me how to be true to my inner bro and to bros around me. You are a real bro. Not a fake bro, like those other douches. I hate fake bros, bro. Faux breaux. Fuck that. No, really, bro…you're practically a bro-ther to me.

Look at you, blasting in like Rambro and firing off your launcher like nobrody's business, bro. Serious Brotosaurus Rex action. Brodius Maximus. I'm not big on labels, but you, more than any of the wiggers, bitches, goth chicks, dorks, homos, or Mexicans I know, are absolutely beyond rebroach.

In fact, your brotitude is so brossential that, in many ways, you are the ultimate brototype: You sprung out of the brotean ooze at the very broment of creation, unformed, unmolded, and became the ultimate bro, more powerful than any who came brofore. I don't fear your power, bro, but I respect it. And I will always brobey it.

Brosemite Sam. Potassium Bromide. Brobi Wan Kenobi. Brover Norquist.

Like Broseph Stalin, you are leading the way to the dictatorship of the broletariate. It is truly revbrolutionary. Like the Bro v. Wade of our generation. You brobliterate the enemy from the very peak of Mt. Brolympus. That's some shit. That's brolific. But that's the kind of bro you are.

Bro-S.A.! Bro-S.A.! I'm so pumped right now! Bro-S.A.!

You are the epitome of bro, in every brossible way, and that's the Bro's honest truth, bro. I may have a bropensity for broverstatement, but this no mere hyperbrole: You are 100 brocent, absbrolutely the broest. Brotally.

I wish I had the words to describe what a good friend you are, dude.

Think Heineken Beer Commercial

BHayley (38 minutes ago)
stupid video. lebron, mo, and delonte all looked like tatted thugs. lebron and mo are arrogant punks and the cavs are vastly overrated since the cavs won half their games this year behind superstar treatment. They will lose to the lakers in the finals

IglooPatrol (29 minutes ago)
Someone seems bitter that maybe their team has no personality. It's funny, because most teams have a handful of "tatted thugs". Give me a break.

Superstar treatment? What games were you watching this season? Kobe doesn't get that? Garnett doesn't get that?

Happy Star Saved My Life

Throwing Footballs

Last Day of Topics

Pad Thai

Tanner: Lotus raised their prices! To make matters worse, one order of pad thai is exactly $9.85, 15 cents short of the required ten dollars to use your debit card. It's the equivalent of the neighborhood drug dealer bumping up the price on his "pandemic" or "wmd's". I'm pissed, but I'm still gonna go there.

Danny: Pad Thai is very good. I would say that it is my second favorite Thai noodle dish, falling directly behind Pad See Ew. I like it with either three or four stars of spiciness. And chicken.

Bristol Palin

Tanner: Huge tahs.

Danny: Guest blogger Heather says, "I think it would be hard being a teenage mother, especially with so much public spotlight and criticism. But I also think the whole situaion shows that there is some serious dysfunction in that family."

Using Turn Signals

Tanner: Necessary when changing lanes. Other than that, fuck it.

Danny: Using turn signals is usually a good thing, except when you are stuck behind some idiot who leaves his or her turn signal on for blocks and blocks. That is really annoying. On a totally unrelated note, I just saw a commercial for Trojan Condoms' new "Pleasure Pack" that featured a bald eagle and the catch-phase "we believe we should ride out these hard times together." Awesome.

Christian Music

Tanner: I think the preferred nomenclature is "positive life music". I made my brother listen to this station on the way home from his track meet, as punishment for making me go to his track meet. Track meets suck.

Danny: Aside from the complete Creed catalogue, I don't listen to Christian music much, so I just did a quick Google search and watched a couple of YouTube videos. The first thing that jumped out to me was the fact that several of the songs seem to be quasi-love songs to either God or Jesus. Then I remembered the South Park episode when Cartman starts a Christian band called Faith + 1. That was a good episode.

Now that Budweiser, Miller, and Coors are all owned by foreign companies, what beer is going to become the great American beer?  Or will there be one?

Tanner: I think we should ask this bear.

Danny: I thought Budweiser answered that question by releasing Budweiser American Ale. Honestly, I don't think its going to be one beer, but rather a bunch of great local micro-breweries. Think about the rise of the whole local/do-it-yourself movement. People want to blog about their own lives and read blogs specific to their interests. They want to buy locally grown food, have gardens and support local stores. And they want to drink good beer. It would make sense that said beer will be local.

Videos I saw on G4

westell599 (2 hours ago)

if you look close you can see john smiling

rvdawg57

This is great haha. sadly but true Cleveland does suck thankfully i reside in pittsburgh

More Topics!

NASCAR Fans

Tanner: My buddy Ruble's dad had this big shrine to Dale Earnhart Jr. in his rec room. There were posters and model cars and even a Dale Jr. pinball machine, all emblazoned with the number 8.  The problem is, this year Dale Jr. got into a legal dispute with his stepmom, and had to change his number to 88.  I've wanted to ask Ruble's dad how he feels about that, considering all his number 8 stuff is all outdated. I expect him to drop some "c-bomb's" directed at Jr.'s stepmom.

Danny: I've never really had any experience with a NASCAR fan, so I can't really comment. I mean, I can't even think of anyone I know or have known that watches NASCAR. Guess that might say alot about me and the people I chose to associate with. I have my own unfounded opinions, but sharing those would just make me a prejudice asshole.

Real Housewives of New York City

Tanner:  I just remember one of the moms was making her chubby awkward daughter play tennis so she would lose weight. And I think she also hired some dude to teach her son how to break dance. Those kids are going to fund the next generation of rehab clinics.

Danny:  I've never watched this version of the show (I have seen Real Housewives of Orange County a couple of times), but my girlfriend has been known to watch it. Personally, while I can see why it's so compelling and addicting, I find it repulsive. Shows like this represent the lowest form of entertainment on television. It's quasi-fictional serialized sensational celebrity gossip featuring people whose only claim to celebrity is wealth. Television can do better. Now if you'll excuse me, there's an episode of Married With Children on that I want to watch.

The Cooley Zone

Flushing a Toilet

Two More Topics

Facial Hair

Tanner: I love it when guys have huge scruffy beards. Because it makes me look good by comparison. It always looks better when you keep it clean, just like head hair (if you have it).

Danny: On men, cool. I'm especially a big fan of waxed mustaches. On women, not so cool.

Reality Television

Tanner: Any kind of dating or celebrity reality TV sucks. I do like shows on the Discovery or Travel channels though, and even the cooking and fashion reality shows can be cool. Also, I have a soft spot for Survivor. Don't know why, I just like it.

Danny: As a business model, reality television has to be one of the greatest things ever invented. You pay a couple of low cost interns to sit in a room and watch hours upon hours of footage and manipulate it to make certain people fit certain stereotypes and create controversy. If you've got a good casting team (see the last few seasons of The Real World), you can even cast people that already fit into said stereotypes. You don't have to pay actors (maybe a host at most), you have very little overhead, shity production values are expected and people eat the shit up, which makes advertisers happy. Plus, because of the serial nature of the shows, you have an easy draw to attract repeat viewers. Genius!

Topics

Last week I sent Tanner and Danny ten topics to write about. They have given me their answers and I will post two topics a day for the rest of the week.

Let it begin.

People who don't say excuse me.

Tanner: Eff those people. That also goes for people who don't say bless you when someone sneezes. And a double eff you to people who don't do the acknowedgement wave when you let them turn left or cross the street.

Danny: In general, I think you need to say excuse me. It's a courtesy thing. There might be certain situations where the general rule doesn't pertain, but almost always its a nice thing to do and won't hurt anybody. I'm all for creating a more courteous public discourse. So say "excuse me."

When wearing a tuxedo: long tie or bow tie?

Tanner: Bow tie. The long tie is SO high school prom. I still have no idea how to tie a bow tie though. And here is the place to get one.

Danny: Bow tie all the way. How many legitimate excuses do men have to wear bow ties without being ridiculed (see 6:40)? We need to take every chance we can get.

Moon

This movie looks kind of crazy but pretty cool

Saturday Sports!!

Pretty sick goal.




not so sick boxing.



aaaaaand bear wrestling

Mike Judge Film

Some people don't like Jason Bateman. I do.

I love my Biffy!

I feel too guilty to embed this video, but not guilty enough to not link it.

One of Tanner's Favorites

CxPane (10 hours ago) 0 Reply
haha thats so cute, whenever its nose goes in the water it brings its head back up, then it goes back 2 sleep and does the same thing over, so cute

There are a bunch of comments about Asian people eating the puppy but I don't think I will put up any of those.

and one more... Don't fall asleep at the table! It's rude.



mckenna98 (3 months ago) +3 Reply
looks like me in reading class

borca (3 months ago) 0 Reply
*MWA* *MWA* *MWA*

Ok I am more posting this one because of the comments that people made...



rtc7788 (1 day ago) 0 Reply
his butthole is just itchy, thats all.

mallchick247365 (1 day ago) 0 Reply
LMAO... I can't believe people can be this ignorant. Any idiot can see these pugs are absolutely adorable... Maybe it is time for you to grow up. I mean seriously, why bash cute pugs? Is it because your Mama beat you when you were growing up that you think you have an excuse to be such and ignorant, immature, idiot? Those pugs have more personality in their little paws than you will ever have.

slipk1not (2 days ago) 0 Reply
i wanna kick your ugly but after i saw what you said :(

siriusbore (2 days ago) 0 Reply
That's not very nice. Luckily, Hyperion, your opinion has not mattered since Helios took over your abilities. Who controls the sun now, son? Burn.

IronMaiden9110 (2 days ago) 0 Reply
ur face is an ugly disgusting turd!!!!!!

rambopug (3 days ago) 0 Reply
your an ugly disgusting turd!

Kind of funny

The Driver and the Navigator weren't seriously hurt...

daaaaaaaang

That's Right, No More Scrubbin'

ravemastermario (1 hour ago)
first time i saw this shit i laughed so hard i almost puked

Cats...

one of the ladies I work with really likes cats and so I was looking at some youtube videos of them, this one is actually pretty funny. I think its the music that makes it.



azimilsz (9 hours ago) -1 Reply
C
CA
CAT
CATS
CATS R
CATS RO
CATS ROC
CATS ROCK
copy and paste if u like cats!

JynXin (11 hours ago) 0 Reply
Haha love the baby curb stomp at 1:00

Stairway to Heaven

This is one of my favorite renditions of the song, performed by Foo Fighters lead singer, David Grohl and Foo Fighters drummer, Taylor Hawkins.



72769 (1 day ago) 0 Reply
Why don't you go hang yourself while listening to the Misfits, you stupid asshole. It is an act; I'm sure he knows the song better than you do...

Hangover

aaaaaand another trailer

Bruno

Well, the first trailer is out.



I have a cousin named Bruno by the way.

Biohazard

Swedish Commentary...

and a pretty cool goal