Gorilla

I want to play...

Peter Gabriel - Big Time

This video is way weird

since danny joined in...

More fun with Erlend Øye

How's this for contributing to the blog?

Sweet dance moves

This should make Tanner smile.

Zombie v. Shark

Seriously?

Holy Banana!

Proof of God Via a Banana - video powered by Metacafe



I am giving no opinion on how I feel about this other than it is kind of funny.

Super Rap

Danny could do this if he had any kind of artistic ability.

I Hate Cat Videos...

yet this is the second one I have posted.

Pretty Crazy Catch

Danny does tricks like that when he finally gets to watch bloggingheads.tv

Don't Wave That Fart!

In this undated photo released by the South Central Regional Jail, Jose A. Cruz is shown. Cruz, 34, who police said passed gas and fanned it toward a patrolman has been charged with battery on a police officer. Cruz, of Clarksburg, W.Va., was pulled over early Tuesday, Sept. 23, 2008, for driving without headlights, police said.

Notorious

I don't know why but I can't really take this movie seriously.

O.J. Jury

This was a pretty funny skit on SNL last night. Certainly funnier that watching Danny try and go more than 2.4 seconds without watching bloggingheads.tv. He starts drooling and touching himself, but not touching himself where you would think. It's quite awkward.

Week 3 Picks

Tanner and the number one fan are out of town this weekend so I know for sure that nobody is going to read this but I have to be like a republican and stay the course on this one, here are my picks.

Bills over Raiders
Giants over Bengals
Bears over Bucs
Titans over Texans
Cardinals over Redskins
Panthers over Vikings
Falcons over Chiefs
Patriots over Dolphins
Broncos over Saints
49ers over Lions
Seattle over Rams
Steelers over Eagles
Colts over Jaguars
Browns over Ravens
Cowboys over Packers
Chargers over Jets

I'm not real confident that the Cardinals, Falcons, Browns, or Bears will win but I'm picking 'em anyways.

Last week I did pretty well. 9-6
Overall I'm at 18-13...that's like a decent baseball team.

Cougar Hunt

The Great Cougar Hunt

Bad Idea Jeans

Another bad idea? Trying to prevent Danny from watching bloggingheads.tv

This Looks Genius

Tamura works in the offices of a Japanese pickle distribution company. He is conscientious, well liked in the office and has a loving girlfriend Yoko. He is a six foot tall koala bear. One day Yoko his girlfriend turns up dead and Tamura is the chief suspect and so sets out to prove his innocence. He is hampered by gaps in his memory, flashbacks of spousal abuse and the fact that his first wife dissappeared. As any intelligent Koala would he enlists the help of his boss (a white rabbit) and a bartender (frog) to help him discover the truth. Can he prove his innocence? Can he help his company pull off a pickle deal? And what does his bartender and his boss know about the two-hundred year old terrifying secret behind the EXECUTIVE KOALA?

Wish I Spoke French

There is a lot going on in this one but you can see one of the guys in black take out three different dudes.

Toulon v Stade Francais - Fight - 13/09/08 Rugby
by rngobingobango

Mayne Event and the Hawks

I just saw that Logan Payne is now out for the rest of the season.  Seneca Wallace is now out for  3-4 weeks with a strained calf muscle.  I believe that means that a total of 5 different WRs will be out next week.  It is pretty depressing looking at the Hawks right now, hopefully they can rebound.  To try and make myself feel better I thought I would post these videos.  The only other thing that can make me feel better is to make fun of Danny and how much he loves bloggingheads.tv, but those jokes have gotten old so I'm not gonna do that any more.





Like I'm not gonna make fun of Danny loving bloggingheads.tv? HAHA that was funny.

Danny once went for a whole week calling his girlfriend bloggingheads.tv instead of her name. He of course didn't realize it because he is obsessed with that website.

Movie Review 3: Necessary Roughness

OR: sorry about the wait, devoted fan

Let’s get one thing straight before I start this review: I hate football movies and I hate football T.V. shows. My hatred stems from these two things:

1) The on-field action is never realistic. Ever. This gets my goat like no other. The movies take the sacred art of football and diarrhea all over it. No one gets dragged down, no one goes for anyone’s legs. One guy can run down the field knocking people down like a truck instead of drive blocking or screening them off like in real life. Situations like down and distance are always ignored. There’s always WAY too much bullshitting going on in the huddle. Someone tell Keanu there’s a 15 yard penalty for taking off your helmet. And how did he get the play call in? Oh, and you know the last scene in Any Given Sunday where Willie Beamen runs up the pile and jumps in for the winning touchdown? Completely illegal. They would lose the game and deservedly so for insulting my intelligence.

2) The best part about football (and all sports) is that it’s unscripted. It’s easy to WRITE about a scrappy gang of misfits getting together and winning the big game, but 100 times better when it happens in real life. Expert predictions in the NFL and college football are always proven wrong. I could expertly predict the ending to any football movie about 10 minutes in.

Don’t get me wrong, there are snippets in football movies that get to me. This is pretty awesome. And the music in this scene is amazing. The slow clap in Lucas-starring-Corey Haim? Nothing short of Epic. Lattimer may be the greatest character in movie history. And I always chuckle when I think of a high school friend of mine and his impression of Willie Beeeeeeeamen. The key to enjoying football movies is to pick your moments.

The Program and Any Given Sunday are okay because they are so over-the-top. It’s the unintentional comedy factor pulled off brilliantly. The clichéd dialogue, the stereotyped characters, the ridiculous pump-up scenes…all great to laugh at but terrible nonetheless. Heartwarming based-on-a-true story movies like Invincible and Rudy are also okay because the focus is on one character overcoming odds or some shit.

But THIS movie…this movie takes the cake. It was unwatchable. It fell somewhere in between the two watchable types of football movies, getting caught in a no-man’s land of suck. Not exaggerated enough to be like the Program, not heart-warming at all, and just plain not funny. How do you take Jason Bateman and make him suck so hard?

There are only four redeeming things about the movie. A) The ensemble cast. The “oh it’s THAT guy” moments pretty much got me through. Although, it’s funnier to just think of all these people in a movie together than to actually see them interacting and reciting from this terrible script. B) Rob Schneider as the announcer. Some of his stuff was actually pretty funny (I hope you stay tuned as the Texas State marching band does its salute to gun racks and open beverage containers), but really I just like to laugh at Rob Schneider. He also did his “fumblerooski, fumblina” etc. schtick from SNL, which was amusing in its patheticness. C) The mascot. That fucking armadillo costume is awesome.

and D) Kathy Ireland is in it.

The rest of the movie is so apathetic it doesn’t even qualify as sucky. It’s just…there. The sub-plots are ridiculous (we’re 0-7 coach…what do we do? I know! Lets get a girl soccer player to quit her legitimate sport and join our terrible football team as a kicker! Also, let’s make the fat kids do aerobics!), the factual errors glaring (they have 14 players on the team playing ironman football and not a single one of them gets injured in a nine game season? The girls’ locker room is all the way across campus from the guys’ locker room? A four time nation champion plays in a stadium that holds 14,000 people?) and the ending WAY too predictable (they beat an undefeated team on a *GASP* trick play 2 point conversion!?!) At least Necessary Roughness does us the common courtesy of rolling the credits right after the game.

In short this movie is awful. Stay away from it like a smoldering diaper full of herpes-infected babyfood shit.

Tanner's Week 2 Picks

OR: more half-ass this time

GB over DET
NO over WAS
KC over OAK
CHI over CAR
NYG over STL
MIN over IND
BUF over JAC
TEN over CIN
SEA over SF
TB over ATL
SD over DEN
NE over NYJ
MIA over ARI
PIT over CLE
DAL over PHI
BAL over HOU


Standings after week 1:

Danny: 11
Stefan: 9
Tanner: 7

UPS Football

I have had no connection what so ever to UPS football since graduating three years ago. I guess I can't say I have had no connection, I am still friends with some of my teammates. I also did go to one homecoming game two years ago. Alright, so I still have some connection to UPS football. I feel that all of this makes me an expert on UPS football and my predictions here should be read and respected. I will not look at how good the teams they are playing are, I will simply use my knowledge of how good they were three ago to influence my picking. My other sources will be the online roster and online schedule. I want to remind my reader (yes, that is singular) that I don't know who starts so I'm making a lot of guesses here.  Any comments on players are simply what I can infer from looking at their picture.  Sorry suckers, your face is online.  I recognize that UPS' first game starts in about 10 minutes, but I will be finished with this by the time the game is done so I will still predict today's game as well. Here we go.

The Loggers' first game takes place right now in beautiful Claremont, California against Pomona-Pitzer. Pomona-Pitzer is a school for hippies and pretentious people. My prediction: Jr LB Trevor Beck will have 10 tackles in front of his family. Sr WR Darrell Stewart will finally have the big game that everyone has been waiting on as he will have 96 receiving yards and 1 TD. After that game he will be praised for his play and his funny Uncle will continue to make fun of his goofy mustache.  UPS 21 Pomona-Pitzer 13

September 20th: UPS v. Claremont at home. Many people will come out for this game as it is the home opener. The fans will not be disappointed as Jr DB Frank Speetjens will tackle Claremont's deep threat WR with all the strength his pedophile face can muster (Seriously, he looks like a pedophile in that picture). The offense will be led by SR RB Silas Paul, his 120 yards rushing and 2 TD will capitalize UPS' 28-14 victory. After the game Silas Paul will smoke a hug blunt and listen to his friends make fun of him for not having a real last name.

September 27th: HOMECOMING!! UPS v. Wisconsin-Whitewater (this school is from Wisconsin).  This is going to be one of the worst homecomings ever as Whitewater has always been one of the top ranked teams in the country (Div-III standards mind you).  SR QB Kavin Williams is going to get sacked 24 times.  This will be a blessing in disguise though as the repeated hits will cure him of his scoliosis and will make him spell his first name correctly.  The score, UPS is going to lose 0-3650.

October 11th: UPS v. Menlo in Cali.  The bye week will be good for the Loggers as Williams will finally be out of his neck brace and won't require to walk with a cane anymore.  SO DL Danny O'Brien will beat the OL to get two sacks.  His good performs will cause some problems however as Menlo will demand that the Loggers show proof that O'Brien is not actually 35 years old.  UPS will win a close one 14-10.  Unfortunately after the game a biker game will rob the team bus and everyone on the team will go home with nothing but the clothes on their back.

October 18th: UPS v. Whitworth in Spokane.  UPS starts the conference play.  The Loggers will walk away angry from this loss as it could have gone either way.  Unfortunately for SR RB AJ Johnson many people will blame his fumble in the last 2 minutes as the reason for the loss.  Lucky for him he looks like Akon so chicks still dig him.  UPS 7-Whitworth 10.

October 25th: UPS v. PLU at home.  The rivalry continues...UPS will finally win this one and Frosty will turn in his grave (he is dead right?).  PLU will walk away holding  hands and crying like bitches.  JR CB Cory Haywood will get one INT and 4 tackles.  After the game he will celebrate at the Bada Bing! , unfortunately he will offend some large Italian man by wearing his mobster look alike suit.  He will never be heard of again.  UPS 35-PLU 28.

November 1st: UPS v. Linfield at home.  This game will go in the fashion of homecoming.  A lot of people show up just to watch their friends or family members get trucked by better athletes.  Bring the kids!  FR K Peter Topolski will get much action as he will punt the ball 12 times, unfortunately half of them will be blocked (I'm guessing he is punting because there is no punter listed on the roster).  This will be the only time during the season that he sees any action besides tackling drills during Tuesday practices.  After the game Peter will celebrate by playing ultimate frisbee with his hippie friends. UPS 0 - Loggers 590

November 8th: UPS v Willamette in Oregon.  This will be an exciting game but UPS will lose by one point, 14-13.  It will come down to one missed extra point.  SO K Alex Gardner will be blamed in the paper by Coach Willy even though coach will say at the beginning of the season he will never point out one person for a loss.  After the game Gardner will listen to the Tabernacle Choir to calm down and calm his urges to punch coach in the face.  The holder screwed him over, it wasn't his fault!

November 15th:  UPS v. Lewis and Clark at home.  UPS will end the season with a convincing win 35-10.  SR OL Boone Freeman will have a great game with 14 pancake blocks.  After the game he will drink a fifth of Jack and then go hunting.  His hunting trip will be successful and he will kill a big 12 point buck.  The blood will taste delicious and he will never be the same again.

This will bring the UPS season to a close with a final record of 5-4.  There you go...that is how the season will turn out.  I really don't believe that any of my predictions will be wrong.

Here are my picks for Week 2 of the NFL season:

Tennessee over Cincinnati

Green Bay over Detroit

New Orleans over Washington

Kansas City over Oakland

Carolina over Chicago

New York Giants over St. Louis

Jacksonville over Buffalo

Indianapolis over Minnesota

Seattle over San Francisco

Atlanta over Tampa Bay

Arizona over Miami

San Diego over Denver

New England over New York Jets

Pittsburgh over Cleveland

Dallas over Philadelphia

Houston over Baltimore

Last week: 9-7

Season: 9-7

Bears aren't afraid of Ike

I once caught Danny humping his USB port while watching bloggingheads.tv

Good Sound Effects

DeNiro and Pacino

DeNiro and Pacino: Letterman Top 10 List
by thatsfunny

Michael Phelps vs. Browns WR Brayon Edwards

Pressure to be a big fantasy pick?


An interesting item on the Yahoo blog Shutdown Corner that started with a story in an Ohio newspaper (Chronicle-Telegram), told of a friendly competition between Baltimore Olympic hero Michael Phelps and Cleveland Browns wide receiver Braylon Edwards.

The two have University of Michigan connections and trained together briefly on one occasion. Somewhere along the way, Edwards offered that he would score twice as many TDs this season as Phelps won gold medals (that's eight in case anyone has forgotten).

Looks like Edwards needs to pick up the pace. In Cleveland's 28-10 loss to Dallas last Sunday, Edwards had two catches for 14 yards and no touchdowns

I once made a bet with Danny. I bet him that he couldn't go for 30 seconds without watching bloggingheads.tv. I won, he still owes me $10,000 dollars.

How Baseball and Football are different, by George Carlin

Danny has a T-shirt that says, "I'm bloggingheads.tv's bitch!"

LT and Kimbo Slice

Danny has a pair of whitey tighteys that say, "My wiener doesn't know what to do without bloggingheads.tv!"

Tanner's NFL picks

OR: Picks that are better than Stefan's

New Jersey Football Giants OVER Potomac Drainage Basin Indigenous People
It's always sunny in Philadelphia Eagles OVER St. Louis Josh Browns
Pittsburgh Steeley McBeamers OVER Houston Beef Cows
Detroit Wide Receivers OVER Home Depot Dog Fighters
Hawks on Fox OVER Buffalo/Toronto Bills/Argonauts
Hamsterdam Ravens OVER Ochenta y Cinco
Jacksonville JAGs OVER Tennessee Flaming Thumbtacks
Miami Phish OVER New Jersey Football Jets
Foxborough Cheaters OVER KC Chefs
Butt Pirates OVER Mr. Kim Kardashian's Team
Classy San Diego OVER Carolina Sex Panthers
SF 69ers OVER Arizona Planned Parenthood
America's Team OVER Cleveland...um...Really?
Indy Positive Thinkers OVER Chicago un-BEAR-ably bad QBs
Green Bay Packers OVER Purple Jesus
Run DMC Raiders OVER God, I hate the Broncos

Man, that took WAY too long.

Holy BEEEP!

I guess it isn't safe to work crowd control... this is nuts.



One time Danny watched bloggingheads.tv for 72 straight hours... he survived off bowls of peanuts and microwaveable quiches.

Back to FOOOOTBALL!!!

As I did last year, I will be posting my weekly picks. So far I already have one right of Giants over Redskins. Yes I am posting this a day after that game but I am going to be posting what I picked for my Yahoo! picker league. As Danny and Tanner are both in this then they at least will know that I am not lying about who I pick. So with one game out of the way, here are the rest of my picks.

Eagles over Rams: It breaks my heart to see Josh Brown in another uniform.

Steelers over Texans (pronounced Tae-hons): I like that the Texans have been getting better each year, but they are going to start this season off with a loss.

Lions over Falcons: I almost picked Hotlanta for this one.

Seahawks over Bills: I will be very interested to see how the receivers do in this one for the Hawks.

Bengals over Ravens: The best part about this game? Seeing Chad in his official "Ocho Cinco" jersey.

Jaguars over Remember the Titans: I don't really care about this game at all.

Jets over Dolphins: Oh how I hope the Madden curse works this year.

Patriots over Chiefs: It would be so awesome if I am wrong, but I won't be.

Buccaneers over Saints: I don't like the Bucs much but I do respect that Garcia's and Galloway's age combined is like 90.

Chargers over Panthers: This could be a pretty game but I think the Chargers will be fine.

Cardinals over 49ers: Is Leinart ever going to play like he is supposed to be? He once again lost his starting job to a guy with a walker.

Cowboys over Browns: After watching a couple episodes of Hard Knocks, I have to say I am a fan of the Cowboys now.

Colts over Bears: It is a lot easier to hate the Bears when Grossman is the starting QB, oh well, that won't stop me.

Packers over Vikings: I really hope Aaron Rodgers has a good season, even though I don't like Packers fans, I want him to do well.

Broncos over Raiders: I am so happy that the Broncos aren't going to be very good again.


One more Old Spice commercial.




Where did you get that mustache Danny? Neighbors?

Chillarious!

Yes, the title of this post is a combination of the words "chill" and "hilarious". It's part of a new "future talk" language I'm developing. On a totally different topic, I too can embed funny political videos that subtly betray my voting tendencies. Enjoy!

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Yeah!

Politics

I'm not sure if there has ever been anything political on the blog but here is a little something. Not that this gives away what party I vote for.



See Mr. I love bloggingheads.tv because it makes me feel like I am super smart and am now able to argue with someone even when I agree with them but can now pull up more random facts than the other guy so he or she looks like a total wiener, I also pay attention to politics. I think we all know who I am making fun of. I will give you a hint... his name starts with a Dan and ends with a ny.

In case you forgot

FOOTBALL STARTS TONIGHT!

Since the first game will be the Giants and Redskins here is a video of Cooley putting on a fantasy draft with some one his teammates. I like that Fred Smoot calls Tom Brady, Timmy. Also funny when Chris Cooley calls Colt Brennan's pick of LenDale "gay." Oh football players...they are so clever.




In case you need another football video to watch, here is Cowboy's CB Terence Newman going on his first ever roller-coaster ride. Pretty funny when he starts praying to 6 lbs 8 ounce baby Jesus. He then screams like a little girl. Kind of like when Danny doesn't get to watch bloggingheads.tv

Way to Score!

One time I asked Danny if he wanted to go pick up some hot chicks. He said no, he was gonna stay home and watch blogginheads.tv. Nerd

Seriously

all he does is watch bloggingheads.tv

Floating Head

This one is so weird I just felt the need to pass it on...

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Once again, is Danny every going to write anything? He probably can't write anything because he is too dumb and all he does is watch bloggingheads.tv

It really makes my taco pop!

Will Danny ever post anything again? My guess is no, cause he is a weaner.