Euro 2012 All Ugly Team

Two years ago I made a World Cup All Ugly Team and since that time I have matured and become more of an adult.  One thing that has not matured however is my passion for making All Ugly Teams.  Now as I wrote last time..."I have decided to make my all ugly team.  Some are picked for obvious reasons and others for specific reasons.  Enjoy and be happy you don't look like these guys, but be envious of the money they probably make.  Before you think I am being mean with this just do a google image search of their names followed by wife or girlfriend." 


To put this team together I did massive amounts of research (wikipedia) and initially had a list of 22 ugly dudes.  I have done more in depth research and have made my list to 11 starting players and an honorable mention or two.  Some of the players on this team were also members of my World Cup All Ugly Team.  Now you may think that is just being lazy by not picking new players but I disagree, it just proves how totally ugly they are.

I present to you my Euro 2012 All Ugly Team. I am going with a 4-4-2 lineup by the way.  Some players might play multiple positions so don't get all technical on me if I put someone as a mid instead of a forward.

Goalkeeper...

I was going to say Gianluigi Bufon (Italy) but then I saw the glorious face of David Forde (Ireland).

Defense...

It is really unfortunate that Carles Puyol is hurt and will not be participating for Spain.  Not only is he ugly be he is also a really really really good player.

John Heitinga (Netherlands) - He looks alright if he doesn't show much expression or his teeth, but when he lets those pearly whites loose? uh oh

Tara Mykhalyk (Ukraine) - Unfortunately he shares the same problem as Pepe (coming up soon)...being a smudgy face.

Pepe (Portugal) - Our first repeat! I am not counting Puyol as he is just an honorable mention.  Smudgy face!  One more smudgy face honorable mention, Rolando (Portugal).

John Terry (England) - I just really hate this guy for multiple reasons.  He is like the anti-Christ version of Bono (see the resemblance?).  He has been accused of having an affair with a teammate's girlfriend, he is still appealing a ruling that he was using racist language during a game in November 2011 thus causing him to lose his spot as the English captain for the second time (first time? look above at the girlfriend part), not bad enough? oh yeah in September 2001 he and two other players were fined for making 9/11 remarks to some America tourists in the Heathrow Airport.  Maybe worst of all... he plays for Chelsea.

Midfield...

Honorable mention - Bastian Schweinsteiger (Germany), now that he has gone back to a normal haircut he has lost his starting spot on the All Ugly Team, look up his girlfriend though, damn.

Frank Ribery (France) - This may seem too easy but c'mon, the guy had sex with a 16 yr old prostitute. I have a responsibility to call him out.

Ognjen Vukojevic (Croatia) - Hello Skeletor?

Mesut Ozil (Germany) - The Lemur returns!

Raul Meireles (Portugal) - Give it up dude, you're bald.

Forwards...

Congratulations the Netherlands!  You have the two starting forwards!

Dirk Kuyt - He has had an amazing soccer career since being in Goonies.  

Arjen Robben - He has the same affliction as Greg Oden, Wayne Rooney, and LeBron James.  He is only 28 but he has the face of a 48 year old.

Again, this is all in fun (except in the case of John Terry and Franck Ribbery) and these dudes make tons of money and have hot girlfriends and we all know that those are the two defining things in life.  Money and chicks.