How to give yourself pnuemonia

OR: A 7-step process for fluid-filled alveoli.

Step 1: Get fired/resign from a job you hate.

Step 2: Fill your days of unemployment by staying up really late, sleeping in really late, drinking heavily on Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays, Tuesdays, and sometimes Thursdays, developing poor eating habits, watching shitty movies, and blogging about being unemployed.

Step 3: Come in contact with someone who had a severe cold. It helps if you live with this person, or if you suck on her toothbrush while she's not looking.

Step 4: Catch severe cold.

Step 5: Continue Step 2.

Step 5b: According to this picture, it helps if you look like Tiger Woods:

Step 6: Finally go to the doctor because you haven't gotten over your cold in three weeks and you're beginning to get cold shivers and night sweats and you can't stay awake for more than three hours straight. Also, your chest feels like exploding anytime you try to anything remotely athletic. So that must be bad.

Step 7: Have doctor tell you that you are an idiot because anyone your age and in normal physical condition can fight off a cold, but your lifestyle has run down your immune system so much that you now have pnuemonia.