Boating

Tanner:
Quite simply, boating is my favorite thing in the world. In a twisted game of “would you rather,” I don’t think I would be able to answer the question “would you rather never have an orgasm again or never be able to go boating again”. It would at least take me weeks of brainstorming the pluses and minuses.

I think my love of boating has to be genetic in some way. Like male-pattern baldness and an inability to break a bone, I think I have inherited a strong desire to drink beers and cruise on an open-bow nautical vehicle with the wind in my face. It all comes from my dad, who gave me the keys to an 18 foot Reinell when I was fifteen and basically let me explore the river on my own. I wrecked three propellers, ran out of gas twice, an often thought it was a good idea to drunken water-ski at 4:00 in the morning. But I never failed a police inspection, and no one ever got hurt, so my dad was okay with it.

Because of my genetic predisposition and the fact that I grew up in a community with no redeeming recreational activities other than anything on the Columbia River, I honestly can’t picture a future of mine where boating is not involved. Purchasing a boat has become the main motivating factor in me improving my financial situation, and I can’t even look at a car I like on the road without first wondering what its towing capacity is. Almost every day at lunch I take a look here because I can’t help myself. Thank God Stefan has a boat and a moorage slip or else I would probably drive back to the Tri-Cities every weekend during the summer.

Number One Fan: Let’s get your boat situation handled so we can double our pleasure this summer. Give me a call whenever you need my help and I will drop what I’m doing to lend a hand. I can’t help it. It’s in my genes.

Danny:
I'm going to ask a question and then I am going to immediately answer it. What is better than being on a boat? Being on a boat in the middle of Lake Washington on a sunny day in Seattle. Asked and answered. Here goes another one: what is better than being on a boat in the middle of Lake Washington on a sunny day in Seattle? How about drinking an icy-cool adult beverage on a boat in the middle of Lake Washington on a sunny day in Seattle? Can it get any better? Yes, yes it can. How, you ask. What could possibly be better than drinking an icy-cool adult beverage on a boat in the middle of Lake Washington on a sunny day in Seattle? Drinking an icy-cool adult beverage on a boat with a bunch of dudes in the middle of Lake Washington on a sunny day in Seattle, that's what. Can I top that? You don't think I can, do you? Well, try this one on for size: Drinking an icy-cool adult beverage on a boat with a bunch of dudes in the middle of Lake Washington on a sunny day in Seattle while listening to Warm 106.9. Yeah, that's a little slice of heaven.

Stefan:
Aww shit, get your towels ready it's about to go down (shorty, yeah)
Everybody in the place hit the fucking deck (shorty, yeah)
But stay on your motherfucking toes
We running this, let's go
I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)
I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)
Everybody look at me 'cause I'm sailing on a boat (sailing on a boat)
I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)
I'm on a boat
Take a good hard look at the motherfucking boat (boat, yeah)
I'm on a boat motherfucker take a look at me
Straight floating on a boat on the deep blue sea
Busting five knots, wind whipping at my coat
You can't stop me motherfucker cause I'm on a boat

Take a picture, trick (trick)
I'm on a boat, bitch (bitch)
We drinking Santana champ, Cause it's so crisp (crisp)
I got my swim trunks
And my flippie-floppies
I'm flipping burgers, you at Kinko's Straight flipping copies
I'm riding on a dolphin, doing flips and shit
The dolphin's splashing, getting everybody all wet
But this ain't Seaworld, this is real as it gets
I'm on a boat, motherfucker, don't you ever forget

I'm on a boat and
It's going fast and
I got a nautical themed Pashmina Afghan
I'm the king of the world
On a boat like Leo
If you're on the shore, then you're sure not me-oh

Get the fuck up, this boat is REAL!!!

Fuck land, I'm on a boat, motherfucker (motherfucker)
Fuck trees, I climb buoys, motherfucker (motherfucker)
I'm on the deck with my boys, motherfucker (yeah)
This boat engine make noise, motherfucker

Hey ma, if you could see me now (see me now)
Arms spread wide on the starboard bow (starboard bow)
Gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow (moon somehow)
Like Kevin Garnett, anything is possible

Yeah, never thought I'd be on a boat
It's a big blue watery road (yeah)
Poseidon
Look at me, oh (all hands on deck)
Never thought I'd see the day
When a big boat coming my way
Believe me when I sayI fucked a mermaid
I'm on a boat
I'm on a boat
Everybody look at me 'cause I'm sailing on a boat (woaah)I'm on a boat
I'm on a boat
Take a good hard look at the mothafuckin' boat (sha-sha-shorty, shorty, yeah)